


like your blood knows the way (from your heart to your brain)

by julietophelia



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: F/M, Friends With Benefits, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Mentions of Tickle Porn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-11
Updated: 2020-09-15
Packaged: 2021-03-03 06:13:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,126
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24120082
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/julietophelia/pseuds/julietophelia
Summary: “She was hoping for a nice, normal rest of senior year with no creepy mysteries. But alas, it’s Riverdale. How are you holding up?”“Me? I’m the only one here who didn’t get a deleted scene from The Purge. What was yours like?”“It was me in the woods, and then Betty. The voyeur seems to think Betty is the one who,” he gestured to the corner of his forehead, where a thin white scar was half-hidden by his beanie. If you weren’t looking for it, there was no sign anything had happened to him.post 4x18
Relationships: Betty Cooper & Jughead Jones, Jughead Jones & Toni Topaz, Jughead Jones/Toni Topaz
Comments: 12
Kudos: 45





	1. Chapter 1

Betty made a hasty exit from Thistlehouse, seeming distracted. So hasty that when Jughead lingered a moment in the entryway, the door had fallen shut behind her before he could open his mouth to explain. Jughead and Toni stared at the closed door for a moment, then Jughead turned to her.

“She was hoping for a nice, normal rest of senior year with no creepy mysteries. But alas, it’s Riverdale. How are you holding up?”

“Me? I’m the only one here who didn’t get a deleted scene from _The Purge_. What was yours like?”

“It was me in the woods, and then Betty. The voyeur seems to think Betty is the one who,” he gestured to the corner of his forehead, where a thin white scar was half-hidden by his beanie. If you weren’t looking for it, there was no sign anything had happened to him.

“Oh my god.”

“It’s a nice distraction to worry about other people.”

She crossed her arms over her chest, pulling inwards. “This house is so big that sometimes I worry that we wouldn’t even notice if someone broke in and made themselves at home.”

It wasn’t an unfounded fear. Thistlehouse was full of secret passageways and hidden alcoves, the absurd, gothic creation of an absurd, gothic family.

“I felt safer in a tent, knowing there were Serpents all around.” The confession surprised her. She nodded towards the door. “You should probably try to catch up.”

“Yeah, while I still can.”

After Jughead left, it occurred to her that she couldn’t remember the last time someone had asked her if she was okay. She went upstairs and heard music playing down the hall. Cheryl probably just left it on and forgot, she told herself. No need to panic.

She followed the sound to a room she’d never opened before. Her hand slipped a little on the handle as she pushed the door open just a crack. It was a little study, with built in bookshelves, a secretary’s desk, and a few plump velvet seats. Penelope Blossom was sitting on the chaise, a book on her lap, a glass of wine in hand, looking like she owned the place.

Toni let the door swing wide open. “What the hell are you doing here?”

Penelope rolled her eyes. “Oh, it’s you. I’ve been transferred. Go ask Cheryl, why don’t you?”

She wasn’t about to turn her back on a killer, but Cheryl must have heard her shout. She came into the room and gave Toni an apologetic look.

“Oh, Tee-Tee, I was so distracted by the tape I forgot to tell you. I invited Mumsy back home.”

“Wait, you want her here?”

“I told Veronica I want out of our maple rum business.”

“I don’t understand.”

“The Maple Club was ransacked by grimy transients.” That wasn’t the part she meant, but Cheryl continued. “It’s simply not safe there.”

Cheryl gave her mother a soft smile, like she wasn’t holding her captive as revenge for a string of murders and a lifetime of abuse. Toni walked away feeling shellshocked. She would never understand the Blossoms, she thought. Maybe normal people just weren’t meant to.

She went down the hall to Cheryl’s room. _Their_ room, she reminded herself, but it still wasn’t, not really. The satin roses on Cheryl’s bedspread tickled the backs of her thighs when she sat down. Photographs of Cheryl stared back at her from the vanity mirror. One picture was decorated with a red lipstick kiss. There was one photo of Toni nestled in between the glamour shots and selfies. She had put it up herself.

The picture was from before they’d started dating. She was behind the bar at the Whyte Wyrm, back when it was still theirs. That girl had to contend with Ghoulies and jingle jangle, with finding a place to sleep when her uncle was mad or drunk. But in the picture, she looked happier than Toni remembered feeling in a long time.

…

“What is the meaning of this perversion?”

Toni blinked the sleep out of her eyes. Cheryl stood at the foot of the bed, holding out her phone, still too far away to see.

“Good morning?”

Cheryl marched around the bed to thrust the phone in Toni’s face. The tickle video Audrey and Jimmy made was playing. Her own phone beeped on the nightstand. She picked it up and found the same message Cheryl had just shown her. It looked like it had been sent out to everyone at school, because of course it had. That’s what happened when you tried to erase something from the internet. Mr. Honey should have left it alone.

“You turned my Vixens into porn stars.”

She couldn’t suppress her eyeroll. “It’s barely PG-13, and I didn’t make anyone do anything. It was only the girls that wanted in.”

“Well no one asked if I wanted any of them in these fetish videos.”

“Why do you get to decide what they do with their bodies? You're HBIC on the field, you don't own them for the rest of their lives.”

“That’s rich coming from a—a fishmonger.”

“Like your mumsy? Who you’re fine with again, apparently.”

Cheryl crossed her arms over the chest. “Pack your things."

"What?"

"I want you out of here before breakfast.”

She sat up straight and stared past Cheryl at the dark red walls, the red chandelier, at the vanity mirror. “Fine.”

Cheryl looked taken aback. “Fine?”

“Were you expecting me to beg for forgiveness?” She knew exactly what Cheryl was expecting, just like she’d known exactly how Cheryl would react. She'd imagined the whole song and dance as soon as she’d agreed to Reggie’s offer. Maybe it was just too damn early, but now that the moment had arrived, she didn't feel like playing her part. “You want me out, I’ll go.”

Cheryl turned on her heel and stormed out.

Toni crawled out of bed and crossed the room to Cheryl’s closet. Was she really going to do this? There was still time to run downstairs and fix everything. She knelt on the floor. In front of her, between racks of silk dresses and designer crop tops, was the two-foot-wide space Cheryl had cleared for her. Her Serpent jacket hung at one end, its purple replacement at the other.

This was the only part of Thistlehouse that belonged to her, the only place in the whole world that was entirely hers. The thought made Toni want to cry. Her duffel bag was crumpled up against the wall, her boots lined up neatly in front of it. Toni knocked them over lunging for the bag. She grabbed some t-shirts down from their hangers and started to pack.

…

The voyeur’s next tape was surprisingly low-key, but no less devastating: a fake Betty and Archie in an amorous embrace. She, Sweet Pea, and Fangs huddled around the tv in Sweet Pea’s tiny trailer, watching the two actors smush their plastic faces together. Cheryl will pissed if this steals her thunder, she thought.

“Why would the voyeur switch from murders to teen drama?” Toni wondered. “Besides, Betty would never do this. This is probably just another Reggie Mantle prank.”

“I heard the real version was dropped at Jughead’s door,” Fangs said.

“Heard from who?”

“I have sources.”

“And who did Kevin hear it from?”

Fangs grinned. “I can’t believe I’m the only one of us in a relationship now.”

Sweet Pea turned away from the screen. “You and Keller made it official? Not counting your cult marriage or whatever.”

“I told him about Pittsburgh.” Fangs punched Sweet Pea’s arm. “Hey, maybe this is your chance with Jones.”

“Shut up.”

“You’re over that?”

“There’s nothing to be over.”

Toni cut through their bickering. “Has anyone actually talked to Jughead?”

“Are you kidding? Jones is probably hopping a train to the Canadian border. Or he’ll show up at school and pretend nothing’s happening.”

It turned out to be the second option. She found him after second period in the music room, of all places, battering the drum kit.

“How did I not know you played until two weeks ago?”

“Because I didn’t, until two weeks ago, when Archie told me I was in a band. Have to say, I’m finding the excuse to hit something repeatedly very cathartic.”

“You’re not terrible, for a beginner.” She sat on the small, lumpy couch across from him. “I heard about Betty.”

“Yeah, I think everyone did.” He shook his head, looked up at the ceiling with a hollow laugh. “It’s so stupid. I’d finally stopped expecting it to happen, but I should have known that was exactly when it would happen.”

“Well, I never liked her.” It wasn’t entirely true. They’d almost become friends, initial irritation worn down by time and effort.

“She said she still wants to be with me.”

“You’re not serious.” He was. “She cheated on you. You’re just okay with Betty having feelings for someone else?”

“It’s Archie. I’ve been in love with Archie my whole life, too. She had the chance to be with him, but she picked me.”

“Listen to me. Fuck Archie and Betty.”

“There’s an idea.” His smile was halfhearted at best. “I know it’s pathetic, but I still don’t want to lose them. They were my best friends, my only friends, for so long. I don’t know who I am without them. I don’t think I like who I am without them.”

She felt like she'd been slapped in the face. “Wow. Sorry I’ve been nothing but a bad influence.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

She stood up. “I give up. Go ahead, marry her. Stay in that nice house on Elm Street, and pretend it’s just those Blossom genes skipping a few generations when all your kids come out with red hair.”

“What the fuck, Toni?”

“I don’t know why I try to pretend that we’re friends. When was the last time we even talked, when you weren’t working a case?” Cheryl’s party last fall, after the dance got cancelled. It was all she’d thought about those two weeks she thought she’d never see him again.

Tears stung her eyes as soon as she was alone in the hall. She knew she wasn’t really angry with him. It wasn’t like it was new information that Jughead was a doormat when it came to his childhood friends. What had gotten into her lately? If she kept going like this, she'd have no one left.

She didn’t see Jughead again for the rest of the school day.

…

Luckily, there was always one place you could find Jughead Jones. She slid into the opposite side of his booth and dropped a basket of onion rings on the table. He briefly glanced up from his laptop, then fixed his eyes back on the screen.

“I’m sorry I said all that shit to you.”

He shut his laptop and met her eyes. His expression was unreadable. “I guess we haven’t really been friends lately.”

She took a deep breath. “I really thought you were dead, you know. I just, I wish we were still close enough to make the list of people to tell when you fake your death.”

“It wasn’t planned, not in advance. I was bleeding out and delirious in the woods, and then we were just making it up as we went along. I definitely didn’t plan on my girlfriend and my best friend fake-dating, and everything that happened after.”

“I really have no idea what you’ve been up to, since you went off to that creepy rich kids' school.”

“I found my grandfather.”

“Really? My grandpa told me he was a bastard. No offense.”

“No, he was. He had his reasons, though.”

“Everyone has an excuse.” She studied her fingernails for a moment. “Cheryl kicked me out.”

“What happened?”

“It’s stupid. You don’t want to know.”

Jughead set his laptop aside and pulled the onion rings over to his side of the table. “Well now you have to tell me.”

…

Reggie, overly optimistic with dollar signs in his eyes, had booked the suite at the Five Seasons for two whole weeks. They had only laughed at him when he asked about a refund. It made a nice place to crash while she figured out what to do next.

“Can you explain the whole tickling thing again?” Jughead asked. He sat next to her on the edge of the bed.

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Why would you go along with a Reggie Mantle scheme?”

“Fangs and Kevin got into it first, actually. It’s better than dealing.”

“Well, I’ve got you all beat. My roommate at Stonewall filmed me having sex, and apparently sent the tape to so many people that a copy ended up in the back of the Blue Velvet being rented out as amateur porn.”

“Oh my god. I’m so sorry.”

Jughead shrugged. “He got what he deserved.” He flexed his hand absent-mindedly. She had an idea of what he’d gotten.

They lingered for a moment.

“It’s over. I ended it with Betty.”

“Any regrets?”

“No. It felt good. Not like getting even. But it’s like I’ve had this sick feeling in my stomach for so long that I didn’t even notice it, and now it’s gone.”

“I’m terrified. I don’t even know where I’m going to live, where I’ll go to school now, how I’ll ever afford it.” She hadn’t even applied anywhere but Highsmith, because why would she ever go anywhere else?

“If it makes you feel any better, I still might not graduate this year.”

“Do we just end up stuck here, like everyone always expected from us?”

“And we had so much potential,” he said dryly. “Do you regret anything?”

She shook her head.

“You’re not going to be stuck here, Toni. You’ll figure all of that out.” He put his hand gently on her knee.

“Jug.” They both started talking at once and fell awkwardly silent. “Could it have ever worked between us? Back then?”

“You were right,” he said gently. “It was terrible timing. Probably everyone would have gotten hurt.”

“You wanted to, though. If I hadn’t stopped you.”

“God, I wanted, I don’t know even know. I wanted to be around you. I couldn’t believe you were even talking to me.” He laughed. “I was so gone.”

It was still terrible timing. Maybe it always would be. “Just kiss me already,” she said quietly.

For a terrifying half second, she thought he might leave, but he cupped her cheek with his hand and kissed her. She threaded her fingers into his hair.

“What are we doing?” Jughead said when they pulled away to catch their breath.

If she loved him, she wouldn’t even have to think about it. That’s how love was supposed to be, irrational, unconditional. She couldn’t take being in love anymore. She just wanted something nice. There was enough to worry about in Riverdale without coming home to corpses at the dinner table.

“I don’t know. I don’t care. Do you?”

He shook his head slightly and pulled her close again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Am I just writing the same story over and over again? Maybe so.


	2. Chapter 2

Jughead’s jacket was softer than hers, old worn leather. The cold metal zippers tickled her bare skin.

“You’ve gotten… stronger.” She had actively decided not to notice anything about Jughead’s body for a very long time. She ran her hand up his lean but decidedly muscular arm.

“Since I was a sixteen-year-old virgin with broken ribs? God, I hope so.”

She bit back a laugh. “I didn’t mean—you are a lot better at that, too. You were adorable,” she said, her hand on Jughead’s cheek. “When I took off my bra I’d have thought you’d never seen a pair of tits before.”

Jughead went quiet and avoided her eyes.

“No.” She collapsed into giggles. “Oh my god. I had no idea. I’m so honored.”

“I’ve always thought it’s the most romantic milestone.”

Jughead rolled on top of her. A dark curl fell into his eyes and she brushed it away. He kissed her. She felt light and happy.

“Want a drink? Reggie’s buying.”

She really shouldn’t run up his bill any higher, not when he was letting her crash here. But she felt reckless and selfish tonight. In just a few months, high school would be over and everyone would be leaving. She could do anything she wanted and it would hardly matter.

For the last two years, she’d spent her entire life cloistered up in Thistlehouse, dealing with one absurd, macabre crisis after another. She’d hardly taken a step without considering what Cheryl would feel about it. She’d tiptoed around Cheryl’s bad moods, her rage and her tears, thought constantly of ways to please and support her.

She understood now why Cheryl had burned down her house. It was liberating to destroy everything and start over.

She sat up in bed, Jughead’s jacket barely covering her. Jughead put a hand on her arm and tugged her back down.

“I wanted to ask you something. Or offer you something.” He tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “About the Serpents, to the extent that they still exist, the job’s yours if you still want it.”

Her eyebrows drew together. “Because I slept with you?”

“Jesus, Toni, of course not.”

Jughead shifted to lie next to her again. She pulled his jacket tighter around herself. “It’s just a weird conversation to have naked, that’s all.”

She slipped out of bed to gather up her clothes and get dressed, draping Jughead’s jacket over a chair before pulling her shirt over her head. Jughead was still in bed when she turned around, looking almost forlorn. He followed her lead and gathered up his jeans and t-shirt. He left his jacket where it was.

“I know I should have said it a long time ago.”

She wanted so badly to go back to five minutes ago. All she had to do was say yes, then they could go back to bed. Just one three letter word, just a nod.

“I don’t know what to say. Let me sleep on it.”

“Okay.”

He took the hint and picked up his jacket. He paused at the doorway, and she almost changed her mind and asked him to stay, like she knew he wanted to.

“I’ll see you at school.” He looked at her lips, but he didn’t try to kiss her. “Good night.”

She shut the door behind him, then grabbed a few bottles from the mini fridge and took them back to the suite bedroom. She fell back on the bed, her head hitting the mattress with a bounce. It hadn’t been nearly as dramatic as those secret, stupid fantasies she used to have, the ones where she put Jughead in his place and made him realize how wrong he’d been.

She’d wanted so badly to prove herself, but everything she did had only made her feel more useless and desperate. The Pretty Poisons had never really been her friends, and they’d certainly never respected her as a leader. She couldn’t remember half of those girls’ names. She wasn’t sure she had ever learned them.

She remembered the first time Jughead asked her to come back, how she’d pushed him to see how much he really cared, if he did at all, and how clear the answer had seemed to her, the same as she’d expected: not very much.

There was nothing worse than wanting something you had no control over. It was better to pretend to be content with what you were given than to fight and lose like a pathetic child. Giving up was always such a relief. She remembered sitting down at the breakfast table across from Jason’s stitched up grimace, and that sweet moment she’d slipped under the water, let the air bubble out of her lungs, and waited for Edgar to pull her up.

She hadn’t thought about Edgar in such a long time. There was no reason to. She’d worked through it, and he was dead and gone. She’d been so happy when he’d promised he could cut her open and take out all those bad, needy, desperate parts that made her so hard to love. She would have given him both kidneys gladly if he’d told her it would fix her. She would have let him cut out her heart.

…

She avoided Jughead for most of the next day.

Mrs. Burble helped her assemble a list of colleges that might, possibly consider her application this late.

“I think you’ll be surprised how many schools are willing to make exceptions for a student as bright and accomplished as you. Especially with a great essay. I’m sure you have a lot to write about.”

Toni wanted to roll her eyes. She needed to work on her subtlety. “I’m just here to talk about school, Mrs. Burble.”

“Let’s talk about school, then. Why did Riverdale High’s valedictorian only apply to one local women’s college?”

If she’d applied anywhere else, even as a backup plan, Cheryl would have gotten insecure. When Cheryl got insecure, she lashed out. People got hurt.

“Highsmith’s a good school. Better than I thought I’d ever have the chance to go to.”

“Some of your classmates set their sights on Yale and Harvard. And no backup options, either. No safety schools. You’re nearly past the official deadline for Riverdale Community College.”

Mrs. Burble reminded her of the court ordered psychiatrist she had to see for a while when she was 13, after she’d been caught stealing a lipstick and an ice cream bar from the grocery store. It was after that party, the thing she didn’t think about anymore, because she’d worked through it. The psychiatrist had said so, when their mandated visits were over.

Her mother had dragged her there every week, always reminding her how lucky she was the judge had gone easy on her. The Jones boy got locked up for a whole summer when he was only ten, her mother had told her, and he was white. She had someone trying to help her. It had still felt like torture.

“We’ve never gotten a chance to speak before,” Mrs. Burble said, when it was clear Toni wasn’t going to answer. “I meant to, but it seems you slipped through the cracks.”

“There was no need.”

“No need? You’ve been through some very traumatic events.”

“Not any more than anyone else in Riverdale.”

“Would you say that about your girlfriend, Cheryl?” Toni resisted the urge to correct her. “That, say, what she went through at the Farm wasn’t a big deal?”

“Of course not.”

“And yet you were right there with her.”

“I’m tough. I can handle it.”

“Do you think Cheryl is weak?”

“Stop twisting everything I say,” she snapped. “I love Cheryl. I did everything for her. Why do I always end up being the bad guy?”

Mrs. Burble looked surprised by her outburst, and her face burned with embarrassment.

“What I meant was, perhaps you could consider extending some of that compassion to yourself.”

She left Mrs. Burble’s office to find Jughead standing in the hall. She froze, fight-or-flight instinct activated, but neither option was possible.

“I promise I’m not stalking you,” he said. “I got a call from the University of Iowa, and I needed some paperwork. But, can we talk first?”

She couldn't avoid him forever. She let him pull her aside into an empty classroom.

“I thought we were having a really nice night, and then I feel like I ruined everything.” Jughead stared down at his feet. “I just, I thought it would make you happy.”

Jughead seemed to live in a fairy tale world that reality could seldom penetrate, one where Archie Andrews was a superhero, and gang politics were romantic. It was astonishing sometimes how he could remain so stubbornly naïve after everything he’d seen, and everything he’d done.

She realized she liked being mad at Jughead because he never did anything about it. It struck her as terribly backwards now, to take out all her anger on the person who wouldn’t hurt her back. She decided to stop thinking the worst of him all the time.

“They were never supposed to be thugs and criminals, you know? The Serpents. Grandpa just let the wrong people in.”

“Like my grandpa,” Jughead said.

“Among others.”

“I want to make things right.”

“You can’t change the past,” she told him kindly. “We’re just going to leave in a few months anyway. Isn’t that what we want? To get out of here?”

“Yeah, I guess so,” he said softly.

She kissed him. “It was,” she said. “A nice night.” In a few months she’d never have to see him again. What was the worst that could happen?


End file.
